…it’ll be called the Apple “iPad.”

Since everybody and their dog in the Apple fanboi world is speculating about the January 27th Apple event I figured I’d jump on the bandwagon. Yah, I’ve got a Macbook Pro and will be getting my wife a Macbook probably next month. We both have iPhones. However, I also have a steroid-driven XP machine sitting four inches from me, too, and have no problems being a hybrid user.

Having said that, I’m also not all that excited about the next Apple product except I’m hoping iPhone 4.0 OS is on the way and that it’ll be good and free. So, since I don’t care about Apple’s upcoming even where they may or may not announce some kind of tablet device that may or may not have front and rear facing webcams, expanded touch gestures, drink holder, free pair of dorky librarian glasses and turtleneck shirt… I’ll just play the game and speculate about the name. Let’s begin:

I’ll be called iPad.

Why? Because, it’s a universal necessity. El Esteban likes short, high-impact product names that are highly brandable (is that even a word?). Although I’m nauseated by all the iThis, iThat, eName marketing drivel of the last few years it’s pretty much a given that the new tablet product (which I believe there is one) will have the “i” naming convention. It’s iApple, afterall.

It’ll not be called “iTablet” because that’s descriptive. Apple doesn’t like hardware-descriptor names, generally speaking. If they do (eg. iPhone) they rely on the “i” branding convention to pull it into an Apple iNoun and not a mere person/place/thing noun.

Although “iSlate” has been tossed around a lot of people thought it sounded stupid. I’m not one of them. However, I happen to think that “Leopard” and “Snow Leopard” are goofy names for an operating system. “OSX” rocked… should have left it at that. “iTablet” sounds more like a temporary name placeholder until we learn the real name.

Anyway, it’ll be called “iPad” because of its heritage. If rumor holds that the iPhone-based OS and gesture-based interface are major features then it stands to reason it’s in that family. One might assume that, again, if rumors hold, it’s very communication-centric then that sets it in stone. So, the iPod name that eventually worked its way into an iPhone means that this is the only chance Apple will produce a product that could take advantage of the iPad name and have it applicable. You can’t name a phone “iPad.” You can’t name an OS that, either. Apple shouldn’t be making let alone naming computer mice under any circumstances – so there’s no chance of it happening there.

Nope. Apple must name it the iPad because it’s their only opportunity to do so. It’s short, sweet, brandable, looks high-impact when printed all by itself on the backside of a device, pays homage to its lineage, and will make it possible in this one product to give it a name that applies and not miss the chance of doing so when another might not come along for a long, long time.

That’s my prediction plus reasoning, noted on this 21st day of January, 2010. If you don’t like it then you can kiss my assPod.